In the fast-moving world that we live in, sometimes we don’t even take a moment to think about what we say. Either it’s a foregone conclusion and we’ve said it. Or, we take a step back, consider our response carefully and deliver it.
Enoughness is linked to many concepts of life, including acceptance, letting go and surrendering in many ways. It teaches us to think how to stop before we attempt to go forwards, opens us to processing our thoughts before we make decisions, and allows us to truly be happy with what we have when we think we never have enough
Having a life of being wounded, I learned that some of the reactions and feelings to everything are most likely carried down from generation to generation without any thought at all. Life presents us with situations where we are battling with not enough time to tell others what they really meant to us, whilst on the other hand, we have made conscious choices where we choose to ignore those closest to us.
Whenever I meet someone new, I always try and ask where they actually come from. Knowing what I know now, it feels like it is to do with the past, the past going back hundreds of years where my ancestors had enough of their plight and were sent away to become labourers — out of no choice of their own.
Fast forward to now, I am trying to live a life of enough. To be enough for me and discover that we should be available to be enough. Living in a wounded state of affairs for so long made me realise that I was just pushing the feelings and emotions back somewhere, shelving it away as if history never mattered.
Our lives, however, do matter — in the breadth of its entire history. Whilst the world has shifted leaps and bounds in technology and health, science and development, a lot of us are still in the same places we always were in, trying to hold on to what was. And trying to move forwards at a pace unfamiliar to us.
Nearly meeting with death paved the way for me to meet therapy and life coaching. I thought I had already heard enough from myself about how I needed to carry on, keep going and be calm.
The truth was, I was neither going anyway and I wasn’t really calm. It takes true skill and acceptance of one’s self to say I am living a life of 360 degrees, where predictable behaviours leading to the same situations makes us blind and ignorant.
At that point, I had had enough of running a race against other people and subconsciously it was happening all by itself. I never made time to break out of the fight-and-fight response as I was too busy thinking about things that would never happen, and I had to deal with those now, trying to ensure they would not happen.
I had inherited the ways of my ancestors, passed down to me via my own family unit. Do more, feel more, achieve more, try more, buy more, eat more, run more. We always had something to prove being descended from a lineage of migrants and labourers — that we could indeed overturn our destinies at each point.
Some of us are able to do that, and some of us are not. And even if we do, we still are sub-consciously attached and operating in the same modes of life. Quite possibly our minds are tuned into bias and certain established thought patterns that just happen on autopilot.
Last year, my autopilot was disconnected and I took back control of my life. My self-defeating race was taking me nowhere, and I had to stop, breathe and process my truths. Releasing the self-doubt and self-pressure took me back down to the ground, like a balloon slowly descending and finally hitting the green grass below. I have also started to look deeper at where my traits may have come from, and why.
Everyone now and again needs to be available to step out of themselves and question what is going on around, and inside of them. I nearly had to step outside of myself forever when I nearly died. That was the point where I said to myself, this is enough. I can be enough, life is enough. And where I did not have enough, that is where I would focus my attention.
Which is here. Writing, thinking and being aware of what enough is.
This was originally posted on my site at https://www.ashluchmun.com/blog/enough